Neuro-Programming: Aquaphobia

There's nothing like the sound of moving water to calm me into bliss...

Oddly enough, I have spent the past 10+ yrs. feeling the exact opposite about water. I had a traumatic experience when I was about 10 yrs. old in a man-made spring. Something about feeling slimy algae in my toes, fish rubbing against my legs and seeing a WATER SNAKE swimming close that made me not want to even step foot in water again. Sometimes I even got nervous in the shower when the water would fill up to my ankles...even though I KNEW it was just the bathtub & nothing was in it...I have a crazy imagination. Every shower for the next couple of months was a session of subjecting myself to paranoia, but I did it anyway.

I have been slowly overcoming the fear since then, but now 10+ yrs. later, here I am up to my knees in water, without fear, paranoia, or anxiety, almost at the point of conquering the fear completely.

How did I do it? Neuro-Programming. I had to endure a number of mindfucks in the process, but hey, it worked!

It took me over 10 yrs. to overcome my fear of water, and now I understand why it happened. I had never been so intimately close to life in the water before. The fish were just annoying and uncomfortable, making me aware of my discomfort in social situations. As for the water snake...the serpent has always promised to bite me, even in dreams. I needed time to understand that it wasn't trying to kill me, but teach me the very lessons I wanted to know. And the symbolism of moving water was the understanding of death, which was going to become an important role in my life. Growing pains are a necessary part of evolution.

And now that I am ready to face them, all my inner demons (doubts & fears) are resurfacing in very defensive & destructive ways...I have become Kali, drunk off the blood of the demons she's slayed, doing her Dance of Destruction. Dark Protective Mother, illuminator of Death, Time, & Dream. The only way that Kali stops the dance is when Shiva sacrifices himself at her feet...the Destroyer, sacrificing himself in order to neutralize her destruction. Now THAT is love.
How I adore my Sadhu even more for being my Shiva.

I have thought about this a lot lately...if Shiva can find inner peace and self-control, opening his third eye to burn desire to ashes...then I can definitely overcome all the little things that are holding me back in life. Fears, paranoias, confidence issues, etc.

I believe that when Kali is shown honor, the difference between dream and reality is blurred...all is real, and all is illusion. It is in this state of mind that we will find our strength and overcome the things that are holding us back, whatever our inner demons may be.

I believe that when Shiva is showed honor, we will find our zen to react calmly, peacefully, & sincerely in any situation.

Freedom...Truth...Temperance...Tolerance...Humbleness

And this is why I say:
OM KALI MA! OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!

Shifting Reality: The Power of Words

written 10/19/06 Thursday 10 a.m.


After a night of deep sleep, I woke up to begin the daily routine. I got some things done & then ended up nodding off again. I didn't remember having any dreams all night long, but in this short time span of the nap, I had a really intense experience!

I had astrally projected and was hovering in the air looking down at us sleeping. I suddenly heard a loud knock at the front door, so I floated over to it and heard behind it, noises I can only describe as...science fictional aliens. I immediately thought of the Archons.

I felt myself about to panic. I floated back to our room and told my sleeping self "wake up, all you have to do is wake up! Open your eyes into the Waking for just a few seconds!" I struggled hard because there is no greater feeling than sleeping next to someone you love. But I woke myself up, looked around all disoriented, and opened my eyes wide thinking of my dream. I was still half asleep but awake enough to shift that part of my consciousness into play.

When I lied back down and re-entered my dream...(keep in mind all this time I am still a floating carbon copy hearing violent noises at the front door.)...something had changed. I realized there was a voice in my head that was not my own, feeding me words of doubt and fear. "CHORONZON," I said! "Yes-s-s-s" he replied. He began s-s-speaking with a s-s-slippery snake tongue the way he talks in The Sandman comics. He asked if I was afraid, I said no. He asked if I knew where I was, and I smiled and said "I am dreaming, I have control". "Ahh, yes you are right", he said. We had reached a compromise.

I projected him outside the door to whatever was behind it. The noises stopped, and I entered back into the Waking world.

I didn't have time to think, I was trying to absorb all that had happened. I was questioning if it was real. Was an archon was really trying to abduct us in my dream? (reading The Invisibles and Sandman comics will do this to your mind) Did I really wake up into the Waking or did I just wake into another dream that felt like reality? What was that place? I felt like I was experiencing two worlds at the same time.

Even now, I still question it, because of how clearly I remember all that happened. And the fact that the fictional stories that I have read actually reached that part of me, and had helped me, makes me understand something else by experience. The power of words. Grant Morrison and Neil Gaiman may not have realized it, but what they wrote were all-in-one survival handbooks for The Waking and The Dreaming.

We are all constantly evolving together, unknowingly. The Sandman and The Invisibles series made me think, reflect, and inspired me to project all of this to other people via musick. I know that someone out there is listening to the ritualistic dream album right now, conquering fears, folding time, and practicing "mind over matter" in their dream. If they would only embrace this gift and use it when they are awake too.

Answers truly do Come In Dreams...

------------------------------------------------

EUREKA!


After that dream, I have not been feeling grounded to earth. For the next few days I have been fighting off weak and dizzy spells. It sometimes felt like there was an invisible something trying to knock me down. It seemed I had to keep moving to see clearly. If I stayed still, everything around me would move (sober drunk-vision).

You know that state of mind you reach when you sit and meditate? Sometimes I enter disoriented, but am practicing a smoother transition. When I pass that transition, I feel like I am floating in the middle of a sphere (or cube). Then I become aware that I am still at the center and all around is swirling in a spiral. I become the eye of the tornado.

I wish I had been able to enjoy it more, but I had much work to do that involved clear thinking. All I wanted to do was sit alone for hours with my eyes shut feeling this feeling, but instead I found myself having to focus on...everything else...running errands all over town, cooking dinner, going to work, etc. (all the perks) Had I been at Burning Man, I would have been able to do all this and more. But no...not in this society. The thing I miss most about Burning Man is being on "playa time".

And now that I see and think clearly, I can smile because I have more understanding about worlds than I did previously. I used to experiment with dreaming when I was younger. But now I am on the other side; I brought dream into waking reality, instead of vice versa. I already knew that it was possible to shift consciousness at Will, but I learned how to experience multiple worlds at the same time. This ability might also perhaps be the key to the Other worlds than the waking and dreaming... but doing it well, is another thing...


"practice a thousand thousand times a thousand thousand and it is no longer thou that doeth it, but it that doest itself through thee."