Neuro-Programming: Aquaphobia

There's nothing like the sound of moving water to calm me into bliss...

Oddly enough, I have spent the past 10+ yrs. feeling the exact opposite about water. I had a traumatic experience when I was about 10 yrs. old in a man-made spring. Something about feeling slimy algae in my toes, fish rubbing against my legs and seeing a WATER SNAKE swimming close that made me not want to even step foot in water again. Sometimes I even got nervous in the shower when the water would fill up to my ankles...even though I KNEW it was just the bathtub & nothing was in it...I have a crazy imagination. Every shower for the next couple of months was a session of subjecting myself to paranoia, but I did it anyway.

I have been slowly overcoming the fear since then, but now 10+ yrs. later, here I am up to my knees in water, without fear, paranoia, or anxiety, almost at the point of conquering the fear completely.

How did I do it? Neuro-Programming. I had to endure a number of mindfucks in the process, but hey, it worked!

It took me over 10 yrs. to overcome my fear of water, and now I understand why it happened. I had never been so intimately close to life in the water before. The fish were just annoying and uncomfortable, making me aware of my discomfort in social situations. As for the water snake...the serpent has always promised to bite me, even in dreams. I needed time to understand that it wasn't trying to kill me, but teach me the very lessons I wanted to know. And the symbolism of moving water was the understanding of death, which was going to become an important role in my life. Growing pains are a necessary part of evolution.

And now that I am ready to face them, all my inner demons (doubts & fears) are resurfacing in very defensive & destructive ways...I have become Kali, drunk off the blood of the demons she's slayed, doing her Dance of Destruction. Dark Protective Mother, illuminator of Death, Time, & Dream. The only way that Kali stops the dance is when Shiva sacrifices himself at her feet...the Destroyer, sacrificing himself in order to neutralize her destruction. Now THAT is love.
How I adore my Sadhu even more for being my Shiva.

I have thought about this a lot lately...if Shiva can find inner peace and self-control, opening his third eye to burn desire to ashes...then I can definitely overcome all the little things that are holding me back in life. Fears, paranoias, confidence issues, etc.

I believe that when Kali is shown honor, the difference between dream and reality is blurred...all is real, and all is illusion. It is in this state of mind that we will find our strength and overcome the things that are holding us back, whatever our inner demons may be.

I believe that when Shiva is showed honor, we will find our zen to react calmly, peacefully, & sincerely in any situation.

Freedom...Truth...Temperance...Tolerance...Humbleness

And this is why I say:
OM KALI MA! OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!