OUTside Looking IN

I am lost.
And for once, I did it on purpose.
For once, I am not in denial.
For once, I feel no guilt.
It is good to be lost.

How is it that I feel nothing?
Yet I feel everything all at once?
I am observing rather than feeling
my emotions flow through me;
viewing them through glass.
Outside looking in.

Loved ones die.
For them, I do not cry.
I say "I love you"
and "Do not fear to die."

How is it that I can feel enough to smile?
How can I continue to exist,
when I feel as if I do not even exist?
How can I be bonded, yet isolated?

I have no desire for existence.
I have no desire for non-existence.
Gravity has lost its effect on me.
I have lost all sense of direction.

I am in a place I feel I have been before,
yet I cannot recall ever being here.
I am not moving.
I am not standing still.
I am floating in an ocean of time.
I am walking on air.

Where am I?